Tips for Thought

Myths Surrounding BDSM

Several popular depictions of BDSM have inspired countless discussions among adults. Some examples include E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, depicting the non-conventional sexual relationship between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Unfortunately, the book has created controversy because of its criticism among kinksters in the BDSM community.

While the franchise has introduced great music, incredible characters, and memorable scenes. It has contributed to several myths that can harm people who engage in such practices. Here are some of the popular myths we aim to debunk:

  1. BDSM glorifies abuse and rape.

Many envision a BDSM relationship with chains, ropes, whips, and torture. While these accessories may be used during sessions, BDSM is more than just torture play. It’s a dynamic between a dominant (“Dom”), a person who leads and controls the dynamic, and a submissive (“Sub”), a person who submits total control to their Dom.

Before engaging in a relationship, the individuals must first consent, which includes a thorough discussion of their sexual desires and limitations. In the consensual stage, both persons may create a “contract” that lists the roles and responsibilities between the Dom and the Sub. Additionally, they may incorporate “safety words” that enable the Dom to stop the BDSM session regardless of how intense it is. This is to prevent triggering the Sub, who may experience discomfort during an intense session.

Ideally, a BDSM session should also be followed up with after-care, the process of allowing the Dom and the Sub to return to their healthier state of mind through physical and emotional comfort and support.

  1. BDSM only involves sexual activities.

BDSM is not just about sex. It is a non-conventional relationship involving adults consenting and exploring the dynamics of their sexualities. Sex may not even be a part of it at all, as some people may find it freeing to have a dominant person take care of them and allow them to be pampered in their private life.

Alternatively, some people may find it incredible to be in a position of power where they are adored and worshipped. While this dynamic may seem to have a power imbalance, the topic of consent should always be discussed before incorporating any new changes in the dynamic.

  1. People who are into BDSM have unresolved trauma.

This belief is incredibly harmful because it suggests that people who engage in sexual exploration are deviants. In reality, trauma and pain should be resolved through psychological interventions. However, BDSM pushes boundaries between two adults, triggering people who may have suffered from sexual abuse.

Nevertheless, the topic of consent should still be explored thoroughly, and safety words may be used to help stop intense sessions. Ideally, the Dom should ensure that their Sub is emotionally and psychologically safe and assure them that their opinions and comfort are significant. Regardless of your experience as a Dom, you should not be a replacement for your Sub’s psychologist.

While the myths surrounding BDSM continue today, plenty of well-adjusted people have engaged in such proclivities. As long as consent is discussed and respect is given, people should be allowed to enjoy and explore their own sexual needs and desires. Remember to stay safe and learn more about BDSM before engaging in it.

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Tips for Thoughts

Copyright 2022 | All Rights Reserved.

Tips for Thoughts

Copyright 2022 | All Rights Reserved.