Tips for Thought

Growing Apart in Marriage: Understanding the Issue and Finding a Path to Reconciliation

In the landscape of marital relationship, “growing apart” emerges as a prominent precipitator of divorce, second only to more overt conflicts such as infidelity or financial disagreements. This gradual erosion of intimacy and commonality between partners often unfolds silently, making it one of the most insidious threats to long-term marital happiness. However, with the right approach and mutual effort, couples can navigate through this challenge and rekindle their connection. This article delves into the intricacies of growing apart in marriage, offering actionable tips for couples seeking to bridge the gap and strengthen their relationship.

Understanding the Phenomenon

Growing apart in marriage is characterized by a slow decline in emotional intimacy, communication, and shared interests. It can stem from various factors, including but not limited to, life transitions, individual growth, and external pressures. Unlike acute marital issues, growing apart might not manifest through constant arguments or evident discontent, making it harder to recognize and address.

Tips for Resolving the Issue

1. Recognize and Acknowledge the Issue

The first step towards resolution is acknowledging the presence of a problem. Couples often fall into the trap of denial, attributing their lack of connection to external factors like busy schedules or temporary stressors. Recognizing that growing apart is a significant issue requiring attention is crucial. Open, honest communication about feelings of distance can set the stage for meaningful change.

2. Commit to Regular, Quality Time Together

In the fast-paced American lifestyle, finding time for one another can be challenging. However, prioritizing regular, quality time together is essential for re-establishing connection. This doesn’t necessarily mean grand gestures or expensive outings; it could be as simple as a nightly walk, a weekly date night, or a dedicated time to talk without distractions. The key is to be fully present during these moments, offering each other undivided attention.

3. Foster Open Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. Encouraging an environment where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment is vital. This involves not only talking but listening actively and empathetically. Understand that communication is not just about solving problems but sharing experiences, dreams, and even mundane details of your day-to-day life.

4. Embrace Individual Growth and Interests

A common misconception is that growing apart stems from having different interests or individual growth. On the contrary, supporting each other’s personal development and interests can enrich your relationship. Encourage your partner in their pursuits and share your own. This mutual support fosters respect and admiration, key components of a loving relationship.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Sometimes, the gap may seem too wide to bridge alone. In such cases, seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can provide the guidance needed to navigate through the issue. Professional help can offer new perspectives, communication strategies, and coping mechanisms to rekindle the connection between partners.

6. Cultivate Shared Goals and Dreams

Having common goals and dreams can bring couples closer. Whether it’s planning for retirement, a dream vacation, or a home renovation project, working towards something together can create a sense of teamwork and companionship. These shared endeavors not only provide a common purpose but also opportunities for celebration and bonding over achievements.

7. Practice Gratitude and Appreciation

Focusing on the positive aspects of your partner and the relationship can shift the dynamics from growing apart to growing together. Regular expressions of gratitude and appreciation for each other’s efforts, qualities, and presence in your life reinforce the bond. This practice helps to counteract negativity bias and keeps the relationship in a positive light.


Growing apart in marriage is a complex issue, but not insurmountable. With a commitment to understanding, communication, and shared experiences, couples can navigate through this challenge and emerge stronger. The journey back to closeness requires patience, effort, and the willingness to adapt, but the reward—a deepened, more meaningful connection—is undoubtedly worth the endeavor. Remember, every marriage faces its tests, but the trials themselves can become the very means through which love is deepened and reaffirmed.