Tips for Thought

Marriage is a union and a journey where each person takes on some roles and responsibilities while building a life together. While marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, there are instances when the problems are so significant that divorce may be the best-case scenario for both parties.

According to research, the United States of America has the third-highest divorce rate in the world. However, studies have shown that the country has experienced a decline in divorce rates thanks to the newer generation being much more cautious about marriage than before. Nevertheless, it helps to know that while divorce rates are decreasing, so are the rates of people tying the knot.

So, what are the most common reasons why people get divorced?

Each marriage is unique and has its dynamics and challenges. However, some couples decide to break up due to the following reasons listed:

1. Too much arguing and conflict.

Proper handling of conflicts is one of the most essential skills in handling relationships, especially marriage. However, couples who are constantly at each other’s throats and go to bed angry every night without resolution tend to form resentments, leading to bitterness and divorce.

Sometimes, couples argue because they have different communication styles or cannot reach common ground. Suppose you and your partner find yourself rowing the same things. In that case, you should visit a relationship counselor to find the root of the problem and improve your communication skills.

2. Lack of commitment or effort.

Another reason marriages end is the lack of commitment to the relationship. Unfortunately, it only takes one uncommitted partner to doom the marriage. Suppose one partner isn’t fully committed to the other. In that case, it’ll only be a matter of time before it reaches its inevitable conclusion.

Another unfortunate circumstance is that the other committed partner may still believe they can save their marriage if they try. However, the instance of one partner putting in most of the effort while the other doesn’t will inevitably leave the person feeling taken for granted.

Sometimes, the best solution to this problem is to talk it out with your partner. Remind each other of your expectations, needs, and desires in a relationship. Suppose you two are unable to compromise or reach an understanding. In that case, it may be beneficial for both to separate temporarily or permanently. After all, you can’t force someone to stay and commit.

3. Infidelity or extramarital affairs.

Being cheated on by the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with can be a distressing experience. Most people consider this instance an unforgivable offense and for good reason.

However, it’s also important to know that infidelity doesn’t always lead to a divorce. Nevertheless, it changes how a person sees the relationship and their partner.

Infidelity causes many issues in the marriage, including a lack of trust, resentment, and bitterness. Partners who cannot trust their spouse after the problem may find it difficult to trust their partner after the transgression.

A marriage can only survive this issue if both couples are willing to work on their relationship. Many marriage counselors advise how spouses with infidelity can work on their problems together and start a new chapter in their lives.

4. Lack of emotional or physical intimacy.

Intimacy is the closeness to one’s partner on a deeper level than others. Emotional intimacy involves sharing one’s thoughts and feelings without fear or judgment. Physical intimacy includes physical affection like hugging, kissing, and sexual intercourse.

Couples with personal issues may struggle to initiate intimacy with their partner. Some causes of lack of intimacy may involve work stress, financial problems, dealing with children, etc. While these reasons are understandable, lack of intimacy can cause distance which slowly builds up over time.

As much as possible, try to set aside some quality time where it’s just you and your partner. Some examples include doing activities together like bathing, cooking, shopping, providing massages, or even date nights.

5. Communication problems between partners.

Most partners argue incessantly because of a need for more communication and understanding. Couples who cannot communicate well may struggle to resolve issues together and create more misunderstandings than necessary.

Good communication also includes:

  • Physical aspects and other responsibilities like sex.
  • Handling finances.
  • Family planning.
  • Other sensitive topics require nuance and patience to work through together.

Lack of communication can lead to shouting matches or cold-shouldering, exacerbating the problem.

Many relationship counselors offer activities where partners can learn to communicate and find ways to compromise. While it may not be easy, it’s possible for things to get better, especially since communication is the foundation of any relationship.

6. Domestic violence.

Domestic violence or abuse covers several aspects, including verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, and financial. Abusive relationships involve shifting power, where one party has more control over another. Fear, manipulation, guilt, and other underhanded tactics are used to control and ensure the partner stays in the relationship regardless of whether they want to leave.

Abusive relationships are complicated because most victims don’t realize they’re in a scary situation until too late. The cycle between love bombing, resentment, violence, and isolation can become too much, and sometimes victims often find it difficult to leave. Worse, the abuse can transfer to children, who are more vulnerable and unable to defend themselves.

The only actual resolution to this predicament is to leave. However, isolated persons shouldn’t do this alone. As much as possible, they should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for much-needed support and, hopefully, find ways to ensure their safety from their spouse, whether through restraining orders or the like. Never endure your suffering alone, and always ask for help.

Final Thoughts:

Marriages with unresolved issues can often lead to the degradation of the relationship, which may eventually result in divorce. Some of the most common causes of divorce involve constant arguing, lack of commitment, infidelity, lack of physical and emotional intimacy, communication problems, and domestic abuse.

While some problems can be resolved through relationship counseling and therapy, other severe cases, like domestic violence in the home, require immediate separation, especially when one’s life is in danger. If you are facing either of these problems, consider asking for help from professional services and always prioritize your and your children’s safety.